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March 27
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     Mod Mark awoke with a yawn, his bulging muscles yawning with him. He rolled over in his bed and kissed his wife's forehead. His wife's name is Mod Mark's Wife. She gently smiled at him, before suddenly ripping her face off, revealing that she was none other, than Nicolas Cage. Nicolas swiftly stole the Declaration of Independence from Mod Mark, and jumped out his window, never to be seen again. Until the next story, anyway. Mod Mark frowned, he was very upset. It was half past Rune. It was way too early for such silly shenanigans. He climbed out of his bed and did walking push-ups all the way to the bathroom. Once there, he walked into his shower after removing his clothing. His bathroom sink fainted at the sight. Mod Mark turned on his shower, and millions of Runescape GP rained down upon him. Afterwards, he got suited up for work and went downstairs for breakfast. However, stairs are for the weak. Mod Mark punched a hole in his floor and hopped down to the first floor like a real man. Celebrity Chef Gordon Ramsay was waiting there for him, a bowl of Rocktail Soup prepared freshly for him. Mod Mark's biceps devoured the soup, before burping happily.
     "Mod Mark, Mod Mark, help!" a cry for help rang out. Mod Mark dashed through the wall of his house to see a thief stealing a purse from an old woman.
     "Not on my watch!" Mod Mark exclaimed, ripping his arm off and throwing it across his yard. His flying fist rammed into the thief's jaw, punching it into another dimension. The thief collapsed onto the sidewalk in pain. The thief was none other than the hash slinging slasher! Mod Mark picked up the purse and returned it to the old lady.
     "Thank you Mod Mark!" she cried happily. She then reached out to touch his bicep, but upon doing so, she was instantly vaporized.
     "My muscles are too powerful to be handled by mere humans " he spat. But this was no time for fun and games. Mod Mark had to get to work, and quickly. So he grabbed a rope and made a lasso, before proceeding to throw it across town and hooking Jagex HQ, pulling it towards him. Mod Pips was waiting at the door, holding a gift for him. Mod Mark took the gift from him and opened it. The box was empty.
     "Thank you." Mod Mark told him, before stepping into the small box and vanishing inside of it. He then climbed out of the fireplace in his office. It was time to do work. He sat down in his computer chair and started waling on his keyboard. Done. He stood up and rolled out of his office, before springing to his feet and punching the vending machine in the face. The vending machine then proceeded to poop out various snacks. So Mod Mark began to pet the machine, proud of it. The doorbell rang. It was Michael Bay. He walked through the building, causing various things to explode and turn into Megan Fox. "If anyone is going to cause random shenanigans, it's going to be me." Mod Mark growled. He grabbed Michael Bay in one hand, Megan Fox in another hand, and a lamp in another hand. He dragged them outside and dropped them in the sewer. Inspired by being in a sewer, Michael Bay decided to feature Megan Fox in the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Then Mod Mark picked up the nearby ocean and tossed it aside, dashing over to the United States. He proceed to preform the Piledriver on Justin Bieber, and then dropkick him over the border into Canada.
     "We're sorry." Said Canada. And then Nicolas Cage stole the Declaration of Independence of Lower Canada. Yes, that's a thing.
Crime fighting has evolved.

*This literature parody was created in no way to insult Mod Mark, or anyone at Jagex Games Studio. The following content is simply a joke, and is not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy!*

Preview image created by :icondogatemyshrooms:    <--- I heard he punched a tree down once. With his ear.
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:icondogatemyshrooms:
dogatemyshrooms Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Gotta be honest: Nicholas Cage ALWAYS is the best part of these for me! XD
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:iconcannonfodder10503:
Cannonfodder10503 Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Quite interesting I must say, I did not think that a man wearing such intelligent pantaloons would comment. I must agree with this sophisticated gentleman. 
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:iconfoxytoast:
FoxyToast Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Sophisticated? Yes. Gentlemen? Not so much.
That's a lady.
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:iconcannonfodder10503:
Cannonfodder10503 Featured By Owner Mar 28, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
0.0 Oh dear, I best get my monocle cleaned out, excuse me ladies and gents I shall be back.
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:iconbarish-ki-boond:
barish-ki-boond Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Sophisticated literature has come a long way.
Excuse me. I need to sit in a corner and guffaw till my cheeks become catatonic.
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:iconfoxytoast:
FoxyToast Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Those are some big words.
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:iconbarish-ki-boond:
barish-ki-boond Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I didn't want to seem less fancy
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